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Introductory Course: The Real Colombiana

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Introductory Course: The Real Colombiana

About The Course

Whether you’re just about to begin dating in Colombia or are already in a relationship with a Colombiana and wondering what could happen next, this course helps you consider what realness looks like, feels like, and achievable goals and activities that produce a strong foundation for a real Colombian relationship.

In a time when westernized men are traveling across the world, working remote, or restructuring life around what’s fun, beautiful, and enjoyable: it’s important for real men to be aware of illusions that happen when dating in Colombia, and celebrate the Colombian woman who supports real, foundational growth in a relationship.

What Will You Learn?

What "Real" Looks Like and Feels Like In A Dating Relationship with A Colombian Woman

Conclusions That May Reinforce Positive Goals and Values While Dating In Colombia

Introduction To The Red Flags and Green Lights, Stories, and Scenarios You May Find Yourself In During This New Course Series "The Real Colombiana"

The Course Curriculam

Introduction: The Real Colombiana
The entire goal of an amazing girlfriend, in her mind, is to figure out how to support you so that you want to stay and are actually able to stay in Colombia, travel together, or even go back to your country together. In turn, she is going to become your team and do things with you that are not merely transactional. This is important! The real girlfriend (Colombian or Venezuelan) may need some things to take care of herself, but she is going to offer to contribute to your life in more ways than she is taking from you. In turn, you’re going to want to contribute to her life in more ways than you are taking from her. This competitive giving is beautiful for a relationship and can build a strong foundation you can grow from. So how do you meet her, how do you know when you have this relationship, and what does it look like in terms of actions? 

Financial Aspects
She is offering to lower the cost of your living expenses in Colombia, not adding to it. Maybe your comfortable in a tourist zone at a fancy hotel. Maybe you dont want to change it. Thats great! But the right girlfriend is going to encourage you to lower your costs by looking for an alternative place for you to stay that meets your needs. Why? She wants to benefit your life but she also knows that by lowering your expenses, maybe you can stay longer and really invest in a relationship. If she does this, this is a great starting point for building what is real. She is offering to find ways to work together and make money, while forming a real team. Especially if you’re in business, the real girlfriend sees your knowledge and capabilities and helps you consider how to build a functioning digital business or business in Colombia. She will join you in this and work hard with you — allowing you to teach her, while you are also beginning to pay her for her real work with you. This can be a positive thing for your relationship for multiple reasons: 1. It sets up a learning culture where you can learn from each other. 2. It creates an environment that depends on mutual trust. 3. It allows her to earn money in her life that establishes some independence for her than doesn’t require massive codependence. Note: By paying her money for her work, you are entrusting her that she is not building an exit plan, and thus, fairly reducing your control due to mutual professional benefits. 4. You are valuing her and showing her that you believe in her. She is also valuing you. This confidence in each other helps build a strong team. With the money you are paying her, you will see the role of gift giving and how she provides more and more herself, and depends less on you for direct gifts, but likely does come back to the table for work, advice, and further learning about financial management.

 Conclusion: if you’ve found the woman that wants to work with you to build value, through new business or existing business, that is a green light! Great sign. She is considering your financial future, not just the present. It’s true that you can have a lot of short-term fun while dating in Colombia! That’s great. But if you’re looking for the real girlfriend, she is going to not just be concerned with the present. She’s going to think about the future. What does this look like in terms of action? 1. She’s not trying to go out and party every night. 2. She wants to stay in, conserve energy and resources and focus on time together or building with you. 3. She’s not trying to adventure to new cities every weekend, for her entertainment. 4. She’s focused on staying in the same place and building community or spending time together or with family. 5. She’s thinking about the long term with you — financial management so you can stay, investment or visa options so you can stay, or her own ability to gain passport and visa options back to your home country. Overall, she’s not trying to squeeze as much experience or gifts out of you as quickly as possible. She’s showing signs that she’s thinking about the future and wants to follow you and support good management of pleasure and spending.

The Value of Home Life
Many foreign men come to Colombia and have been living alone for a while, or maybe got out of a relationship that was living together, or come from a family that is not together anymore. Many men are looking for a new home without knowing that is what they are looking for yet. The real girlfriend is going to help you see the value of human life with her, and wow! She is going to be amazing at taking care of you compared to the women in your home country: The real girlfriend is going to help build the home life by taking care of things domestically. Without being asked (or by being asked, initially) she is going to consider the cleaning of your current living environment, the potential for cooking together, and perhaps even making the bed. The woman that does this for you and with you shows that she is real about creating a home. She is cultured. She is real. Cooking is a huge aspect of financial management. Every real Colombian or Venezuelan woman cooks. If you have a kitchen, she is going to offer to cook or respond to the idea of cooking for you and with you when you ask her to. In turn, you better be thanking her and appreciating her for all she is doing for you! Also, you better enjoy her cooking and the food! Red flags: If she just wants to eat at expensive restaurants in the tourist area all the time, you’ve probably found a woman who knows her way around short-term dating in Colombia. Can she become a real girlfriend? Perhaps with some sacrifices, yes, she can! Overall, a positive home life, rooted in conservative gender roles, is a huge benefit of dating your real girlfriend who is living in Colombia. It’s a huge opportunity for a foreign man to embrace a new culture, learn, grow, and thrive within a well taken care of home environment.

 Conclusion: While she may not be the person opening up your Colombian bank account for you, investing in your new business, or finding you a connection for a remote job, she is the person who is helping consider how to encourage you to do those things, considering how to reduce the costs of your ability to live in Colombia and stay in Colombia.

Gift Giving
The role of gifts in a relationship with a Colombian woman shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable! It’s a love language that is expressed more commonly here. Small gifts. Gifting her with flowers, money for her nails, her hair, or something that she really needs like a pair of boots before a hiking trip with you — these things are normal and nothing to be worried about if considering whether she is trying to take advantage of you. Also, the cost for these things in Colombia is likely going to be about 25% of the cost of these things in your home country! So the cost should be minimal in comparison to what a woman in your home country may ask you for. Hint: Just notice the way that she buys these gifts. Is she lavish and looking to buy the most expensive thing she can find? That should be a caution flag. If she is “juciosa” which is the Colombian word for “judicious” then you’ve likely found a good woman who does need some things and is not merely trying to “run up a tab” on you. Red flags to watch out for with “regalos”: She wants you to send her money for a large purchase, like a motorcycle, maybe a bicycle, or a large hospital bill. Notice if she tries to use guilt or drama about the situation — she says she is very sick or she must have transportation to work. Sending the upwards of $100 or more for a girl you just started dating, or maybe a girl you’ve dated for a long time, while noticing that the requests are increasing from small to large, is definitely a common pattern and a red flag to watch out for. Why? You’re being conditioned with an influence principal called “consistency” influence. It’s a Cialdini science (I’ll include the link to Cialidini’s Principles of Influence in the course links). If the more you invest in her, the more you see that the relationship is not mutually beneficial, and instead focused on money, you need to consider having a talk with her to re-establish mutuality, and see where that goes. If she uses guilt or victimization, you’ve found an opportunist. Recommendation: Embrace and carefully manage short-term fun, or, if there are limitations in the relationship and heavy expectations — exit now. There’s a chance you could re-enter the relationship later and re-write those expectations, but right now, if it’s one sides, you’re headed for pain because it’s like she has already planned her exit or is experienced as an opportunist. 
 Conclusion: You don’t want to be the foreign guy who gives and gives to an opportunist who leaves you, so watch for these signs and build mutuality into your relationship. Gifts will be pretty, cute, or logical for life and growth together. They won’t come with a massive package of emotional drama attached to them.

Dating Apps and Exclusivity
Every relationship has their own dance and internal culture, but usually, the real girlfriend in Colombia is going to become a bit jealous and the early dating relationship will reach a ‘making’ or ‘breaking’ point when you are considering how you are continuing to be available on Dating Apps and private on Social Media, or making the sacrifice to delete your Dating Apps, post about each other on your Facebook and Instagram histories, and show your family and friends back home that you have found a slice of happiness, while she does the same. If she doesn’t want to remove dating apps or post about you on social media, while she is taking photos of herself on dates — this can be a red flag that you haven’t found a real girlfriend. But give it time! Sometimes it takes a couple weeks or even a couple months for her to make that leap, especially if she has a lot of digital followers or a lot of matches on dating apps. If you talk about the subject of being exclusive or removing dating apps after a couple months — don’t be surprised if she takes the victim position and guilts you for not deleting your own dating apps, or staying private on social media. You need to be the leader in this and show her that you’re serious about the relationship! Make the move before you ask her to do the same. If she’s not ready for that public move yet, you might put a timeline on exclusivity and present it to her, or you might just accept that she is a woman who you feel strongly for, but she is going to maintain in short-term fun. Watch out for her requests for gifts from you during this season of conversation about social media. If she’s asking you for expensive gifts while you are asking her for exclusivity, she’s likely playing the game and has an exit plan. If you’re getting a lot of push back, you could do the toxic power move and check her phone or demand to see her phone so you know who she’s talking to — but this will likely be the end of your relationship with a woman who has short-term intentions, but also a woman who could potentially become a real girlfriend, with time. Be careful not to be forceful, especially with a beautiful Colombian or Venezuelan woman. If she doesn’t want to commit yet, you can’t force her to. And it’s likely that many more men before you have tried to play the power card and have been left behind because of this type of control. After all, that’s why she’s available now. Nurture trust. Learn to say “No” and keep your limits. Give it time.

 Conclusion: the real girlfriend will want to go exclusive with you, delete dating apps, and present you on social media, as soon as you both are ready. This may happen fast! It may not. Give it time and nurture your relationship while watching for the red flags.

Intimacy
Sex is an important part of a relationship and every couple and every country seems to value it, share it, or perform it slightly differently.

 In Colombia, sex between a man and a woman is often conservative and treated almost like a marriage relationship during a dating relationship.

 It could be described to a foreign man as: Expectations around sex are communicated by the man and the woman decides if she will agree, follow, and support. The woman may also introduce new ideas, but sex becomes a very consistent aspect of the relationship. Of course, if you are paying for sex, you know that you are not in a relationship with a real girlfriend. Note: If you are working together or she is supporting your life and there is money involved in your relationship that is earned and created together, this is not to be confused with paying for sex. If you are providing her with financial support and stability, but she is gaining money from other men for photos, videos, or sex — you are certainly not in a relationship with a real girlfriend. This could even be a dangerous situation for you, medically. If you are in a long distanced relationship and you are paying her to stay in your life, by sending her money when she initiates some sort of digital intimacy, this is also not a real girlfriend situation. These moments of passion come naturally and don’t involve money. If you are in a long distanced relationship, and planning to see her, but she is not available unless you have sent her money or unless you send her money for something, again, this is a yellow or red flag. Some women may need real support for a crisis situation. If you are not providing it to her, and the crisis is real and proven (such as not having internet connection while her power is off due to non-payment for her electric utilities bill), she may see you as stingy, she may view it as if you are using her and not supporting her life, and she may logically not want to engage with you when you are visiting. 

In conclusion: Be weary of victimization, but also be knowledgeable and empathetic of the real financial needs on her side of the relationship. If you take care of her, she is likely to take care of you in all ways, including physical intimacy. That is the mutual benefit of being in a relationship with a woman living in Colombia — when there is leadership, empathy, balance, communication of expectations, and peace, the sexual nature of the relationship if often exciting, hot, and beautiful.

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